Be the Joy of Christmas This Year
“Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.” ~Marianne Williamson
It’s December and…. It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas!
By now, the tree is probably up, the halls are decked, and the snowflakes are gently falling outside your window. Plans are being made to celebrate with friends and family near and far, and peace and joy are the keywords of the season.
On the flip side of this peaceful scene, your December calendar is quickly filling up with activities and obligations, the to-do list is growing and Christmas shopping is in full swing.
How are you feeling right now, lovely friend?
Are you living in the moment and overflowing with peace, joy and calm? Or are you simmering in the pre-holiday crock-pot of stress, overwhelm and overload?
Why Do We Get So Overwhelmed at Christmas?
It’s common for midlife women to get burned out during the Christmas season. Why? Because mommas are the architects of the holiday and we take that responsibility to heart. Many of us have been socially conditioned to feel that it is our sole responsibility to make the house festive, uphold traditions, and organize activities and events for others: family, church, charities, schools, community, the list goes on.
Thanks to Martha Stewart, Facebook and the Hallmark Christmas movie empire there is so much pressure on women to curate the perfect photos and orchestrate the perfect family gatherings. We are led to believe that the fun of Christmas is in our hands, so we are always conducting and coordinating, never stopping to sit back and enjoy the fruits of our labor… and also never reaching that unattainable bar we have set for ourselves.
We take on the primary responsibility for everyone else’s happiness while putting ours on the back burner.
But girl, sometimes all of that pressure can be too much, can’t it? The overload can push us to our emotional limit and cause us to be cranky and grouchy; all of it just sucking the joyous spirit from our very souls.
We feel like we are not enough, like we are not keeping up. The harder we work to reach perfection, the further away that ideal vision seems to be. When that happens we are not fun, we are not joyful, and we are definitely not living our best life.
How Can we Bring our Joy Back to Christmas?
Consider these 3 simple steps to shift your mindset to one of simplicity, support and grace.
Let’s rally together and support our sisters. Let them know that the pressure for perfection is not something we expect from each other, in fact we denounce it.
*Make “Fun, not perfect!” the collective midlife mantra of the season this year.
Let’s get real about our own expectations. It is not your responsibility to manufacture the holiday spirit. Frequently it shows up in the little moments that happen organically. Take the opportunity to soak it in. Remember, it makes your family happy to see you happy. Their favorite memories will involve you in moments of delight, not stress.
Give yourself the same grace you would give a friend you love. What would you say to her? You would tell her that she deserves every moment of joy and fun she can get from this holiday, right? You would assure her that she is worthy of her best self, deserving of her own unconditional love. So treat yourself with that same respect and affection.
Yes, I am preaching to myself here, too.
For a long time I was the stereotypical over-achieving holiday momma, burning the Christmas candle at both ends and rushing from one obligation to the next. I did everything I could think of to create holiday magic for my girls while still trying to keep Christ at the center of it. It took some creative acrobatics to blend the two entities together, and I stressed myself out every year. I am proud of what I was able to achieve back then, but in hindsight I see that it could have been accomplished so much simpler. I could have done better with what I know now.
*Thank goodness their childhood happened before the Elf on the Shelf craze came along, or I would have lost my everloving mind!
How to Be the Joy of Christmas
“The true spirit of Christmas is not in the gifts but in the love we share.”
~Mattie J. Stepanek
1. Prioritize what matters most.
Determine the MOST important things to you. Make a list of holiday traditions, activities and events that you want to include in your holiday plans.
Schedule them into a planner, like this one right here. Highlight the most important ones as your non-negotiables.
Now start adding the things that you truly want to do, those that you have the time and energy for. Have your family help you and only include the things that will bring you a sense of joy and fulfillment.
Cross off the things that you can let go of this year. Delete things that you don’t really want to do, don’t have time for, can be done by someone else, or simply will not enhance your family’s holiday. Let. Them. Go.
Think about how you will accomplish these tasks. DO NOT try to do it all alone.
Enlist help, delegate, and share the load.
Check out these free resources: Christmas meal planner and a Christmas shopping list/budget tracker
You can download and print them out to help handle the organization of it all.
Prioritize what brings you JOY.
2. Make time for self care.
Self care can look like whatever you want it to. It simply needs to be something that soothes your mind and provides an opportunity for you to slow down and recharge your spirit.
Listen to music, watch a movie, meditate, bake cookies, get a mani/pedi with a friend, read a book, express your creative side, pray, do yoga, decorate something, swim, cook, dance, go for a walk, write, scrapbook, sing, take a bath/shower, call your mom/friend/daughter, paint, snuggle your dog, look at Christmas lights. The list is endless.
Choose whatever works for you, just remember to make the time for it.
3. Practice saying NO.
Say it with me, “No. No thank you. Not this time. Not today. ”
Contrary to what you may have been conditioned, it’s okay to use this word during December. In fact, it’s a great strategy to avoid burn-out.
You DO NOT have to do it all.
You don’t have to go to that party, or be in charge of that fundraiser, or participate in that cookie exchange.
Spending your time doing things you don’t want to do to please others can make you feel resentful and sap the spirit right out of you.
Your time is a precious commodity during this season, and you need to protect it at all costs to use for what matters to you most.
4. Minimize.
Put out the holiday decorations that actually bring you joy. Set up the family nativity, adorn the tree with your favorite ornaments and special star, and hang the traditional stockings by the chimney with care, but keep in mind that you DO NOT need to deck every hall.
Having an empty nest provides an opportunity to embrace a new theme of minimalism to ease some of the holiday stress.
I used to go overboard with the decorations when my girls were little, but I’ve learned that those are not the details they remember when they think of their childhood Christmases. It’s the little things that live in their hearts.
“Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmastime.”
~Laura Ingalls Wilder
5. Protect Your Mental Health
This season can be filled with emotional triggers. For those of us who lost people we loved during the holiday season we know that it can take years to alter those painful memories into ones of joy. Be ready for the moments of grief and try to focus your mind on happy ones instead.
Stay positive. Assume positive intent in those around you and remember that others are struggling in ways we don’t know about.
Sit in your church sanctuary or quiet place and pray or meditate. Listen more than you talk.
Rest in silence or accompanied by soft music and focus on something beautiful, like your Christmas tree.
Pay attention to yourself. Be aware of triggers or early signs of distress and act on it immediately.
Breathe with intention. Stop yourself during the day and just focus on breathing in and out. Inhale to the count of 5, then exhale your worries and anxieties to the count of 8. Repeat as needed.
Text or call a friend or loved one to talk.
Take a walk outside. Anywhere.
Walk down memory lane through photo albums of Christmases past.
Curl up on the couch and watch an old holiday movie that generates the feels of happy nostalgia.
Express gratitude. Remind yourself of the many blessings you already have. Learn more about cultivating an attitude of gratitude.
6. Keep Your Energy Up
People-pleasing and keeping up with the Joneses can run you ragged. Prioritizing your physical health will help you protect your mental health, and help you be the joy.
Wind down at night and get enough sleep. 8 hours is recommended.
Eat healthy foods that give you fuel, and try to keep the tempting Christmas treats to a minimum. (That’s easier said than done, I know).
Build in time for physical activity. Schedule in time to get to the gym, take a walk, swim laps, or take a yoga class. Keep your energy up.
Keep your doctor’s appointments.
Take your supplements and keep your regular routines.
Drink lots water. At least 8 glasses a day.
Watch your caffeine and alcohol intake. Everything in moderation.
*A special note to my fellow menopausal sisters: Along with seasonal stressors, fuzzy sweaters and close quarters of social gatherings, the HOT FLASHES can creep up on us at the most inconvenient of times. Keep in mind that caffeine elevates your cortisol, also known as the “stress hormone,” which can kick in your internal heat mechanism in a hurry. Alcohol can do the same, and it also seriously interferes with your sleep quality. Just keep them in mind and be proactive. Dress in layers and keep a hair clip handy. You can also check out these two articles for additional tips dealing with the hormonal holiday stress for us midlife everygirls: How Women Can Reduce Holiday Stress and Burnout 9 Ways to Manage Holiday Stress and Hot Flashes
Be the Joy of Christmas This Year
Christmas is a joyous, beautiful time. But if you are stressed out you can’t enjoy it, and your loved ones cannot enjoy you.
Focus on what matters to you the most, and let go of the rest without letting guilt take over. Take time for yourself and do things that bring you peace of mind. Say NO to things that stress you out and YES to the ones that bring you joy. Honor your favorite traditions and take this opportunity to start new ones.
You have the power to create beautiful holiday memories, but remember that they will also just happen organically around you. Stop long enough to look around and take it all in and let yourself enjoy the moments that are right in front of you.
“It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.”
~Mother Teresa
I bring out this picture every year. My mom and dad were in their early 30’s and I was 7. My memory of this Christmas is almost as faded as the 48 year old photo, but I still remember the love.
I can’t remember what presents I got that year, but I get to hold onto this feeling of love right here.
This is what beautiful Christmas memories are made of.
Trust me, beautiful friend, when I tell you it’s not the gifts and the things that they will remember years from now. It’s the laughter, the smiles, and the feeling of love that they will hold in their heart as they experience the magic of the season.
Make sure that you are putting more effort into being the joy of Christmas, rather than trying to manufacture it.
Have the most wonderful, peaceful and joyful Christmas yet.
You deserve it, and you can make it happen, because you are positively limitless.
