How to Find the Secret Path to Happiness
“Happiness is not a goal… it’s a by-product of a life well-lived.” - Eleanor Roosevelt
Since the dawn of time people have been searching for the secret path to happiness.
And for good reason…happiness is the key to peace, tranquility, and the satisfaction of a life well-lived.
We all want to live a life of happiness that embraces these qualities, right?
I know that I do. And I have spent a lot of time trying to figure it out.
Is there a secret path we need to discover, or is it right in front of us, just waiting to be noticed?
Looking around myself on any given day, I see happiness promised to me in the forms of money, youth and power, like it’s a commodity that can be earned or bought.
Many people claim to have found the secret to happiness on Instagram, the latest infomercial, or even here in my town of St. Augustine, Florida. (Fountain of Youth, anyone?)
We are assured that these shiny things dangled before our eyes will bring us happiness disguised as instant wealth, younger looking skin, a better body, a fancier car, a bigger house, fame… the list goes on.
All we have to do is buy the thing, and then we are guaranteed to experience the happiness that we crave.
Instant gratification!
So we click the button or swipe the card and we buy it. And for a while we revel in the high of that purchase. We feel a sense of accomplishment.
We post it on Facebook or Instagram for everyone we’ve ever met to see. We tell our friends and bask in their glowing compliments (and perhaps even their envy).
But slowly, the novelty fades and we are right back to square one, and the pursuit of whatever it is we think will make us happy again…as quickly as possible.
It seems like an endless and exhausting cycle.
Do you ever feel like you want to step out of that cycle and find a more permanent and fulfilling solution?
Me too.
Beautiful girl, I have some great news for you!
“The most important thing is to enjoy your life– to be happy. It’s all that matters.” - Audrey Hepburn
Fulfilling Inner Happiness is attainable.
It’s out there, for sure. However, you’re not going to get it through that purchase on Instagram, or buying that new car, or even getting that great job.
You will not find true happiness through the quick-fix that you are being enticed by on social media or highway billboards.
Trust me, the euphoria of these temporary indulgences does not stick.
True happiness takes effort to find, and patience to cultivate.
Take a Quick Peek at the Research
A 2018 study was conducted by Yale psychologist, Laurie Santos, in which over 3 million people participated in an examination of long term happiness, and how it is acquired.
The study showed that while those extrinsic things mentioned above do give you a temporary gratification boost, they do not produce lasting improvements in overall happiness.
Blame it on your brain.
While it is very well-intentioned, your amazing brain is wired to predict what will give you pleasure, and then give you the drive to pursue that particular thing.
Once you get that thing (the purchase, the promotion, the house) it eventually resets back to the default level of happiness where it started.
You see, your brain has a ‘happiness set point’, a baseline that it always returns to once it adapts to a new thing or event.
It is a real thing, and it’s called hedonic adaptation.
Here are some relatable examples of hedonic adaptation:
You buy that thing online…Yes! Within days you return to baseline.
You get the promotion at work…Yay! Within weeks you return to baseline.
You get the new big house…Awesome! Within months you return to baseline.
You win the lottery…Yahoo! Within a year you return to baseline.
Santos calls this the “happiness treadmill”.
You work hard for what you want… that thing you believe will make you happy.
You get it, and it feels good for a while.
Your brain adapts, returns to baseline, and starts looking for that next thing that will get that euphoric feeling back.
Sound familiar?
Are you on that treadmill of wanting the next shiny thing that promises happiness, feeling the adrenaline rush of getting it, and then waking up to realize the rush is gone and you are right back where you started?
Of course. We all do it.
Lovely friend, it’s human nature to seek happiness, pursue peace and want a better life. It’s completely natural to desire more for yourself.
But here in America we have been hard-wired to believe that happiness can be attained through quick external circumstances and things.
Science proves otherwise.
The Santos study clearly showed that it is not the extrinsic factors of our lives that produce lasting happiness, it is the intrinsic ones.
But then, you already sort of knew that, didn’t you?
“Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.” - Anne Frank
How to Find True, Long-Lasting, Inner Happiness
Super smart researchers have narrowed down the pursuit of true, long-term happiness to focusing on these 3 simple, yet powerful, actions every day:
Savor positive moments as they are happening *(Don’t you just love that word: savor? It’s so expressive!)
Express gratitude specifically to one person about one thing they did
Redirect one hour of pursuing what doesn’t work toward something that does
Sounds simple, right? Consistency is the key here. You want to start with small acts that can be repeated over and over, all throughout your day. Every day.
Let’s make it easy. Here are some happiness-building actions that you can start practicing today:
Focus on strengthening one relationship you value
Practice being intentionally grateful for one thing you have
Be fully present in your life
Carry out an act of kindness toward one person
Serve another person in some way
Compliment someone on their positive behavior
Learn a new craft or skill that sparks interest
Notice the beauty that surrounds you
Express your creativity in a specific way
Feel the warmth of the sun on your face, or the breeze in your hair
Lower your expectations of other people’s behaviors
Text, call, or write to one friend or family member
Stop and savor an ordinary moment of your day
These daily practices, when they become habits, can truly build a feeling of happiness and contentment over time.
When you delight in the simple things in your life, your brain learns to acknowledge them with small, consistent hits of dopamine that elevate your happiness baseline.
You will literally train your brain to seek out pleasure all throughout your day.
And that, my lovely friend, is the secret path to happiness.
But again, you already knew that, didn’t you?
You know that happiness doesn’t really come in a quick-fix you can buy online, or a flashy purchase featured in that Superbowl commercial, or even the lightning-fast fame that one person found on TikTok.
So stop looking for it there.
Lasting happiness is cultivated inside your soul with effort, time and patience.
It is in the quiet appreciation of what you already have, the meaningful things… like the gift of sight, spending time with people you love, holding the door for the person behind you without expecting anything in return, or watching the sunrise over the ocean while breathing in the salt air.
But wait, there’s more! Here is an extra bonus.
By pursuing personal happiness through these small intrinsic actions, you can actually spread that positivity to others and make the world a better place.
Your positive actions can cause a ripple effect that carries out to those around you. You will inspire others to find happiness in their own lives through small positive actions. Then their friends and family will be influenced by that…and so on, and so on.
Pay it forward. Pass it on. Ripple effect.
Let’s look at a little metaphor… Think of it as tending a garden. It’s a lot of work upfront, right?
It takes time and effort to water the seeds and pull the weeds every day, but the payoff is the gorgeous flowers and fruits that are beautiful to look at and delicious to eat.
Now go a little deeper…that garden also holds hidden long-lasting and far-reaching benefits that extend far beyond its borders:
It produces oxygen for us to breathe.
It invites nature into your environment.
It provides pollen for bees to carry to other flowers.
It provides nectar for butterflies and hummingbirds to drink.
It creates beauty for those passing by and inspires them to create beauty, as well.
It generates a sense of pride and satisfaction within your soul as something that you created to make the world a better place for all living things.
It gives you a sense of purpose, by taking care of it every day.
It generates a sense of responsibility toward another living thing.
This all adds up to true happiness.
The kind of happiness that spreads out all around you and makes you a beacon of positivity and inspiration.
These daily practices, when they become habits, can truly build a feeling of happiness and contentment over time.
When you delight in the simple things in your life, your brain learns to acknowledge them with small, steady hits of dopamine that can elevate your happiness baseline.
You can actually train your brain to seek out pleasure all throughout your day, to find the elements of life that bring you joy, peace and contentment.
This all adds up to true happiness. A life well-lived.
“Being happy never goes out of style.” - Lily Pulitzer
And that, my lovely friend, is the secret path to happiness.
Now that you know it, the question is, will you choose to take it?
I believe that you will, because you have the knowledge, the strength and the courage to create a life of love and beauty for yourself and for those around you.
Why? Because you are positively limitless.
